一個紐約女人的約會故事

I Was Warned

有人警告我 - 不要再跟他在一起了

It’s the dating story I tell most often: It was a few years ago and I’d been going out on dates 3, 4, sometimes even 5 nights a week for months and yet somehow no one seemed to make it past the 3rd or 4th date. And I wasn’t being picky. Really, I wasn’t.
以下是我經常樂道的約會故事：幾年前，我經常出去約會，一週總有三四晚，甚至有時還會五個晚上都有約會，這種生活持續了好些月，但是，卻從來沒有跟同一個人約會超過三或四次。我並不是個很挑剔的女人，真的，我絕對不是。

A friend from work came up to me in the hall and asked me how my date was last night. It was a running joke. There was always a date last night.
直到有一天，一個朋友在公司大廳裡走向我，小聲又故作神秘地問我："昨晚的約會怎麼樣？"這種笑話每天都會發生，因為她知道我每晚都有約會。

I told her that is was great, actually. He was smart, attractive, fun, we had lots to talk about and plenty of chemistry. The only thing was, I’d never be able to trust him. She gave me an odd look and I explained that he was an obvious womanizer, I could smell it on him (He did have the best line I’d ever heard, “I want to fall in love again”. I nearly fell off my barstool.)
我告訴她，昨晚的約會真的很棒，那個男的聰明又迷人，也會搞笑，我們有一大堆話可說，彼此都覺得很來電，只是，我始終感到我沒辦法相信他。我的朋友露出了個古怪又不解的表情，於是我解釋說，"我想，他一定是個獵豔高手，我可以從他身上嗅到這種味道。"在我跟他約會時，他說出了我最想聽的話 - "我很想再愛一次"，當時，我幾乎從吧檯的高腳椅上摔下來。

So she said, too bad, I guess you won’t be seeing him again. The logical conclusion. And I told her, no, I probably would. And I did.
我的朋友說，"那真糟糕，我想妳不會再跟他約會了吧。"這是一個很合乎邏輯的結論。我告訴她，"不，我想我還會。"確實，我的確還跟他繼續約會。

He and I dated for months. It was a disaster. A predictable disaster. What possessed me? I knew, from the first date, what he was. I knew he was lying to me when he said he wanted a relationship. I knew he was lying to me all of the time.
他跟我又約會好幾個月，但是，這些約會真是災難，而且是可以預想得到的災難。究景為什麼我會這樣失魂似地跟他繼續約會？我知道，那是因為，從第一個約會起時，我就喜歡上了他。我知道，他想要找回愛情是個謊言，我也知道，在那些約會中，他不斷地向我說謊。

Well, in my defense, if I have any at all, is that I wanted so desperately for it to be true that I was willing to suspend my disbelief and play along. At least for a little while. Until it became too painful. Until his lies became too blatant and too frequent and I couldn’t play along anymore without losing the last bit of my self respect.
我想，我給自己這種愚蠢的執著的解釋是，在潛意識裡，我太過渴望能有一段戀情，因此我寧願暫時擱下我對他的不信任，而與他一起起舞，哪怕這支舞曲是多麼短暫，直到這支舞變得太痛苦，他的謊言變得太多太顯眼，而我如果不停下來的話，會失去我最後一絲僅有的自尊。